So tomorrow is the end of a chapter in the Life of Teresa. I can’t believe it’s already my last day at Seton. And to be honest, it’s going to be sort of anti-climactic . My freshmen are going to do evaluations of me, and then we’re going to review. I’m also going to have them write down books I should read. I have done that each year at Seton…I tell the girls that I have been telling them what to read all year, so it’s their chance to tell me what to read. I’m excited to see what this group recommends. They’re pretty avid readers.
It’s weird, but I feel sort of numb. Seton has been good to me. I have fallen in love with some students. But I’ll be honest, it’s not Borgia. I don’t think today’s Borgia would mean as much to me as the Borgia that I had the opportunity to work in. A lot of the people who made Borgia “Borgia” for me have retired or left. I was much, much sadder about leaving my co-workers when I moved from St. Louis to Cheyenne, though. That community was so special to me…definitely holds a piece of my heart.
So, what will I miss at Seton? Sure, I’ll miss some of my co-workers, but I’m not super sure who I’ll really stay in contact with after I leave. Probably just a few. I’m going to miss many of the rising seniors. They were a really special group for me. Granted, I love all of the girls I have had in Honors English I. Each group has been unique, but they have made teaching fun. I have never really dreaded going to class with any of those groups.
Seton taught me some important lessons. Probably the most important lesson is that I should listen to where God wants me. I like to plan. Everyone knows that about me. I am a planner. And every time I hit a milestone in my life and something in my plan hasn’t come to fruition, I redo my plan. (So you can only guess how many times I’ve had to redo it on the baby front, right? I guess it’s good that I can joke about that!) I came to Seton wanting to use my master’s in English. I wanted to be Chuck Bright…well, a female version. I have never had any desire to grow a beard, gray my hair, and look like Hemingway. Chuck just made American Literature so fun for me. I wanted to do that for students, too. Somehow, though, I was pulled back into campus ministry. I’m not sure why, but my life keeps pulling me there. At least the last 10 years of my teaching career have pulled me there.
I’m curious to see what the next year will bring. Ends of school years are more of a “new year” for me than January 1. I feel like many of my plans will be disrupted. Who knows when I’ll have a baby…and on top of that, a baby means that I may have to rethink my dream of getting my doctorate. I’m just not sure if I can do it with a tiny kiddo, but after all of the fertility issues I have had, I think that is a good problem.
It is going to be so weird not having a real job. I’m still hoping that the Upward Bound job pans out and that Barnes and Noble remembers that they called me when I call them back. I’ve always worked full-time, though. I have tied my identity so much to my job. I know I’m not going to be unemployed, but I am going to be learning how to be a new Teresa.
I keep trying to make sure that I don’t think of the year as being in a holding pattern, even though part of me feels that way. Part of me feels like I am just hanging out, waiting for Mark to return from Iraq so we can start our life again. I know that’s not a healthy way to look at it, so I’m trying to force myself to think of it as a year (or at this point 11 months) of taking care of me. I’m going to work out a ton and get my body healthy enough and stress free enough so that I can get pregnant. I am going to do the many things I have wanted to do—have friends and family over for dinner, take cooking classes, practice guitar and piano more, work in a bookstore, write my books, spend time with my family (both the Clancys and Jacksons), catch up with friends, better myself spiritually. I am a dreamer, and I know I have plenty to do to keep myself busy. But what do I say I am? A stay-at-home wife? A jack-of-all trades? Unemployed? A teacher? That’s the hard part.
Either way, I’m excited to start the new chapter. I’m so thankful for a year in St. Louis. I just really wanted to spend the year with my dad. When I found out that Mark was deploying, that was my first thought: I can go home and visit dad every day. I guess dad didn’t want me doing that, though. One week left in D.C. Tomorrow begins the official start of Ch-changes. (Ok, you know you want to…start singing that ridiculous song by David Bowie. Here’s a funny video of it for you, too.
