Our two dressers destroyed…some is already in the trash! It’s all gone on Thursday!
And just for fun, my monster Darcy chomping on her bone!
So Mark’s absence has reminded me of something important about myself. I am capable of anything. I have always known that, but when after being married, I really started to depend on Mark more and more. I think that’s natural in any relationship. In Mark, I had someone who loved to cook. I had someone who loved doing handy, manual labor sorts of household tasks. I had someone who didn’t mind doing the “guy chores”, like taking out the trash and recycling, picking up dog poop, or mowing the lawn.
Since January, I’ve had to learn to manage every household chore on my chore. I do the cleaning, cooking, lawn care, pup care. Getting ready for this move alone has been especially daunting, but tonight I have knocked so many things off my to-do list. I took apart my dresser and Mark’s old dresser. I know, not an especially difficult task, but it was not a piece of cake either. And it was time consuming.
I’ve taken cooking classes so I can survive in the kitchen. I feel much more comfortable with the baking classes; I’m much more natural with it. I loved my pizza and sweet breads classes. I felt so uncoordinated in my knives class, but I understand the theory of how to do all of the techniques, and more importantly, I know how to take care of Mark’s knives. I think the stocks, soups, and sauces class that I took this past Saturday was the most educational and practical class I’ve taken. I learned so, so much. I won’t experiment until I move, but I really learned a lot.
I think families left behind have it harder than the person deployed. In Iraq, Mark has a community. No, he may not have his bed, all of his stuff, his wife, his pups, or the free will to cook what he wants, but he has community. Here at Andrews, I don’t. I’m on my own. I go to work, and when I come home, I don’t interact with anyone. I’m by myself in my house with my pups. I’m busy trying to keep everything from falling apart. Everything that was shared by two people is now done by one. Just because Mark’s gone, it doesn’t mean that there is less housework and chores to do. I get to work full-time, do all of the household chores, and prepare for a move. Alone.
I think the hardest part has been going through the fertility treatments by myself. I realize that this isn’t a “normal” stress that many women left behind would experience. I go through so many emotional ups and downs, praying that my body produces follicles, that I release an egg, that it gets fertilized, that my progesterone levels are high enough to carry a conceived baby…wondering whether any discharge is a positive sign that I’m pregnant or a sign that I’m going to have to go through all of the treatments again.
Anyway, my realizations of the night. I’m glad I knocked so many things off my moving to-do list. I worked so hard that I need a shower. I love listening to my dogs chomp on their bones. And I’m so glad that I get to watch the Cards game tonight since they’re playing the Nationals. The only thing that would be better is if Mark was sitting next to me.
Post Script:
I had a great teaching moment today grading. I know that sounds impossible. One of my students wrote an absolutely amazing piece about her experience on Urban Plunge. It was AMAZING! It made me feel like I’ve done something at Seton as a teacher and as a campus minister. This student has Aspergers, so I’m just so proud that she’s come out of her shell. She’s even taking newspaper next year…and I’m sad. Newspaper staff retreat was yesterday. It’s my dream team. This group has the best shot of winning a Pacemaker when compared to any other class I have taught…the downside, I don’t get to teach them. I just get to edit their work online. Oh well. As I told one of the students yesterday as I waited with her for her parents at the end of the retreat, the military moves are good and bad. I have no control over my life. And I’m a control freak. I like to plan. I like to know what is coming. The good part is that I go places I would have never have gone and meet students like her that I would never have met otherwise. I’m reminded of Wicked…”because of you, I have been changed, for good.”
