First, I think the Mac’s Mobile Me and iDisk program is amazing. Mark and I can share files from 9,000 miles away so easily so I can update his blog and so we can write our book. Just absolutely amazing to me.
I think I’ve done all right this weekend—except for the fact that I haven’t done any schoolwork. Yesterday, I cleaned the downstairs, organized the hall closet organizer so it’s easier to move, and cleaned out the drawers of the coffee table and the bins on the front hall shelves. Slowly, I’m getting ready for this move and trying to purge other things.
To take care of myself, I went to get a manicure and pedicure. When they massage my hands and feet, I can just easily feel the stress leaving my body. I love it. I also went to JoAnn’s and picked out some yarn. I’ve decided that I have to change how I think about getting pregnant. I’m so pessimistic. I need to be optimistic, so I bought colors to go with the girl bedding and the boy bedding I want, and I’m making baby blankets. Crocheting relaxes me, and I’m working to imagine my kids, as many of the books on fertility suggest.
I particularly love the book I am reading now. It’s called Conquering Infertility by Alice Domar. I’ve only read three chapters, but she makes me feel like I am already doing all of the right things as far as handling all of the stress and anxiety that’s been given to me lately. So many of the coping mechanisms like journaling, meditation, walking, crocheting, talking to friends and family, imagining positive scenarios, and breathing right are things that I have been doing. It’s good to know that all of my experience in campus ministry has taught me important life skills.
It’s been a rough night…no line at all on the OPKs so I’m hoping I didn’t miss my window. Date night with Mark got caught short and that didn’t help my mood or stress level tonight. It’s so hard that the one person who can help melt my stress is 9,000 miles away and suddenly our relationship is stressful as we adjust to our new lives apart. So here’s to what I hope for tomorrow: I hope my follicles are at the right size, I hope they decide to give me my HCG shot tomorrow and that I get to go in for my IUI on Tuesday, I hope Mark and I can reschedule date night, I hope that I can start being productive on the school front, and I hope I can get the house clean before the move out walk-through on Tuesday. Things just have to get better soon. Expect a miracle, my dad told me, so I’ll try to keep that my mantra.
