Bad things going on in my life right now:
I got a really mean e-mail from a parent who doesn’t understand how her daughter can get a bad grade in my class for not turning in QUALITY work at deadline times and how if I lay out her page, she is going to get a bad grade. Then she threatens me with going to the administration. Bad move. I sent them the e-mail and am going to them first. Now I have to weave this annoying women and her child into my time. Ugh.
EVERYONE is pregnant or just had a baby. I swear. EVERYONE. I can’t look at FB anymore. In the mean time, I can’t get pregnant. Clomid makes me ovulate, but what’s happened since I’ve taken in. TIme #1: ectopic pregnancy last August. Time #2: super early term miscarriage. Time #3: didn’t ovulate b/c my dad died. Time #3 paired with an IUI: nothing. On top of it, the docs want me to keep trying with Clomid or IUI. They don’t want to evaluate me for anything. I was told today that “I’m young”. Right…look at those charts and how rates for having a baby with fertility issues plummets at 35. I’m soooo young. To top it off, it’s not like I have tons of time to have a baby. Did they forget? Oh yeah. My husband leaves at the end of April for a YEAR. And while we have frozen specimens available as a back up, success rates aren’t as high. So how am I who can’t get pregnant with fresh specimens going to get pregnant with the frozen specimens? Oh…and keep in mind I MOVE in June. So either I pay a ton of money and try to continue with treatments in STL, I fly back to DC for treatments, or I just stop trying to have a baby. Awesome options all around, right? Also, on top of it, I’m in Florida during my next window. Good: I’m with Mark. Bad: I can’t have an IUI in Florida. So, we ponder this: do I stay with Mark longer and hope for the best or do I come home early, spend a lot of money on a plane ticket, hope I’m right about when I am going to ovulate, and try to get an IUI in DC? Blah. Can life get more complicated? I envy every person who accidentally got pregnant, who got pregnant on birth control, or who had to try six months or less. You have NO idea what a gift you were given.
Issue number three: Mark leaves in just over a month. I get to see him MAYBE 14 days before he leaves. It sucks. A LOT.
I have to find a place to live in STL.
Retreats are crazy, and I don’t even feel like I am doing well with them. Sophomore retreat was stressful, and I feel like I unintentionally pissed people off. I have a retreat every week between now and when Mark leaves. And I’m not really looking forward to any of them.
I miss my dad terribly. When I am stressed and overwhelmed like this, it’s my dad who helped me find the positive. My mom isn’t good at cheering me up and helping me through stuff like this. Dad was my cheerleader. Dad helped me see things more simply. Dad helped me to find good in the worst of circumstances and always supported me no matter what. I’d give ANYTHING to be able to call him up and have him help me put this all in perspective.
But here I am trying to figure out a plan and put my life in perspective.
I need to be reminded that I am a good and fair teacher. I wrote my principal and dean of students, and I’m not going to let this mom bully me into meeting with me this week. I’ll meet with her Monday when retreats are over. And I’ll have a team of people there to support me. And I’m fishing for compliments from former students on FB to remind me that I am a good teacher. I need it.
Apparently I have a 5.6% chance of getting pregnant each month with Clomid, and an IUI brings that up to 8.3%. I’ve seen some more recent research that says that the IUI brings my chances of getting pregnant up to !7% even each month. So, I think I’m praying I ovulate when I think I am going to ovulate and I’m flying home and praying for a successful IUI.
I’ve got numerous surprises for Mark to take with him to Iraq, and they’re kind of a double edge sword. They make me feel closer to him and make me miss him. I think if I can get some of this other baggage taken care of, I’ll have no worries besides missing him terribly for 365 days.
I’ve been house hunting and have some prospects. While I’m stressed I’m not terribly stressed. I figure that I am going to end up wherever I should be. I wish I had this same confidence in every other area of my life.
I’m just checking these retreats off. How many days left this school year? Yeah…I think I’m going to just embrace my senioritis and try to leave organized files. I want nothing more than to be finished with my school year.
Nothing can bring my dad back. I know that. But I am going to write my book. And I’m going to figure out a way for everyone to see how awesome my daddy was. Dad, I love and miss you. The only good thing about my chances of getting pregnant moving is that I’m hoping that I have the baby early and that it is born on Dec. 9. It’s so hard to have such an important figure in my life gone.
