So a lot has happened in the last month—some good, some not so good. We have a fence now…but as I quickly learned on my first night home with the fence, it’s not a dog-proof fence. The dogs were able to push their way out under the fence; in fact, at 10:30 p.m. on my first night home, the pups got out, and I didn’t find them until 12:30 a.m. I was convinced I was A) never going to find them or B) find one of them dead. So, after school I had to visit Lowes and figure out to dog proof the fence.
Since the fence, Mark’s been home. He finished his training in Albuquerque a week early. While he was in Albuquerque, we looked through neighborhoods and found one we liked. I loved UNM and think if we end up there I will try to pursue my doctorate. I liked how laid back it was. Everyone was so friendly. I could easily see myself being there for three years. I’m a bit nervous about the idea of trying to do a doctorate. Sometimes I am not sure if I have what it takes anymore, but I know that I want to try teaching college level education classes, and if I want that, I have to get a doctorate. The end.
When Mark was home, the timing was right for trying to conceive. The baby stuff had really been put on hold since November. My body was so messed up from dad dying, and when they did an ultrasound I had a cyst. They had to give me Provera to start my cycle and then put me on birth control because of the cyst. Luckily, the cyst went away. Mark was home. My body was actually ovulating. The doctors recommended we try an IUI because the success rate is higher. I was convinced that it was the right time. A Thanksgiving baby—my favorite holiday. But it didn’t work. Best chance now is for a baby on Christmas day…which also makes the chances of Mark being home slimmer. I doubt he is going to get to come home for a holiday like that.
This past weekend was awful. I was so sure that I was going to be pregnant and then I wasn’t. My temps were high last week. I just knew it was going to work. I really believed it. So I feel crushed. It’s worse than the ectopic pregnancy or early miscarriage. Each month, it only gets harder and harder and I feel like I am out of chances soon. So now we have to try and figure out what the plan is next. Do we try for IUI a few more times? Do we move to IVF? So many decisions to make. And I’m supposed to be moving in mid-June, which means if I am lucky I have only three cycles left before the move. UGH. Do we move the frozen specimens home and do I try at home? Where does the money come from for all of this? I called Walter Reed this morning, but my nurse practitioner hasn’t called back yet, and I need to start taking my prescription of Clomid tomorrow. Awesome, right? I wish I knew why we had to go through this. It’s so frustrating that some people can get pregnant so easily.
So I feel like I need prayers more than ever. The next few weeks are stressful…with at least one retreat a week. Mark leaves in just over a month. I get 14 days with him before he’s gone for a year—and that’s if I’m lucky. And I’m working five of those days. I can’t believe the deployment date is so soon. And I have to find a house. With all of the stress, I don’t know how I am going to get pregnant. So prayers. Lots and lots of prayers.
