So, I was incredibly productive today, but that didn’t make the reality of Mark being gone any easier. The problem is that I am off and at home. So ultimately, this means that every weekend is going to be challenging. I can get through the weekdays as long as I have work. It’s that down time when I am sitting on the couch watching a movie or TV or when I sit at the table eating dinner by myself that I realize how lonely it is without Mark around.
Today I busied myself with a workout at the gym, seeding our backyard (with the hopes that we’ll have grass by the time we get our fence), grading, entering grades and comments, prepping for this next cycle, and watching Lovely Bones. Watching Lovely Bones was my mistake. The movie was enchanting. Fr. Kevin had suggested years ago that I read the book, and the film was fascinating—how it married life in the 1970s with this dreamlike in-between earth and heaven was mesmerizing. Susie was great…in fact, I thought the entire cast was, even though I didn’t know any of them as big names. After watching the film, though, I just felt so sad. I started crying, feeling incredibly alone. Thank goodness for my pups. Darcy immediately plopped herself down on my lap, while Scout sat next to me pushing her wet nose into my face. And thankfully, I felt a little bit better.
One of my many endeavors while Mark is gone is to start cooking more. I’ve never been much of a cook. Mark is the chef in our household, but my goals while he is gone is to not eat any microwave meals. Not one. I watched Julie and Julia just before Christmas, and even though I am not much of a cook, I fell in love with the move. I’ve become quite an Amy Adams fan. I didn’t think I would like the movie as much as I did, and I left inspired to cook. I have zero desire to attempt anything as elaborate as Julie. As I said, my goal is to just not eat from one microwave meal while Mark is deployed or TDY.
Luckily, I get to watch some Chuck tonight, and I’ll also get to work on my Regis teaching application. I’ve got a lot of work to do on that, so I am hoping for some inspiration. Still keeping my fingers crossed—I’d really, really love that job. So until tomorrow…I want this to get easier, but at the same time I don’t because I don’t want to ever miss Mark. Our friend Corby wrote on our Facebook walls today; she’s in Italy, and her husband leaves tomorrow for two months, and when he gets back from that he prepares to leave for another five months. And she’s got three little kids. Here, I am…in the states, with two dogs, and trying to figure out how to get pregnant with my messed up body and my husband being gone all but 20 days between now and April. Oh fun times being married to the military.
