I’m not a drama person, but it’s been non-stop drama since the end of July. The newest part is our new house! Let’s just say moving before Mark left for pre-deployment training sucked. Not the kind of quality time either of us had in mind last week, but the house is finally together.
So I just dropped off Mark at the train station. He came home yesterday at 8 p.m. We had a quick visit with an awesome dinner at Outback and then an exciting day of grocery shopping, a trip to Target, finishing up the house, and even a nap. All sounds like a normal weekend together of running errands. Then, I made us dinner. I know…deep breath and read that sentence again. I, Teresa, actually made Mark dinner. (In fact, I cooked six of seven nights in the last week.) But instead of cuddling on the couch to watch the episodes of Chuck on our DVR, I had to take him ot the train station.
I just can’t believe that all of the deployment is upon us. From now on, every visit will just have a longer and longer break. The next four months seem like one huge tease until he deploys. I know we can do it. We have a strong relationship. We’re finding new and creative ways to stay close and do things together despite the distance. We’re reading books, watching movies, and talking on the phone or Skype. It just sucks. And while I love feeling safe on base and the convenience it gives for 1st Heli members to come and help me, part of me wishes I lived off base. Sometimes I feel trapped like no one one can come and visit me, and on top of that, I just don’t have the same close friends here like I do in St. Louis.
I know I have it easier than most spouses. I don’t have any kids (yet), I have super company in my sweet puppies, and I have work to distract me. When I was talking to my mom tonight, she asked if I went to work tomorrow. I told her no, but for me, that’s a bad thing. If I am busy, it’s easier for me to cope with Mark being gone. So, I’m going to have to really try to stay busy, especially until I move home to St. Louis.
I just can’t believe that the military doesn’t do something to connect spouses who are going through this…that they don’t sit down and meet with us and try to legitimately help us through this. I feel like I have a good foundation spiritually, I have amazing support through Seton, and I have a phone list of 1st Heli members who will come over and help me with anything. But that doesn’t help when I’m home making dinner for just me, when I get stuck taking the dogs out every time they need to go to the bathroom or when when I run those mundane errands or do those boring household chores solo. Mark said he has a meeting that we are supposed to go to two weeks before he deploys. So what about the next four months?
So in the mean time, I guess I’ll just take it day by day. I’ll try to keep myself busy. If I don’t have people to go out with, I will try to find opportunities to do things like grading and planning outside of my house at coffee shops or Paneras. And I’ll keep forcing myself to go to the gym, not just too lose the 10 pounds that I’d love to lose, but for the endorphins. My plan for tomorrow: workout, finish grading essays, grade late work, enter my grades, prep for the next cycle, work on my Regis application, and cook a yummy dinner of chicken caesar salad. And for part of it, I’m going to venture out to Panera in Alexandria or St. Elmo’s, even if I don’t want to.
