So Mark wanted us to blog about the entire experience before and during his deployment. This morning I had the conversation I dreaded most: I told my bosses that Mark is deploying, that we are still trying to have a baby since we don’t want to re-start fertility treatments, and that I am going to move back to St. Louis at the end of the school year.
I knew from my upset stomach on the drive to school that I was going to need Kleenexes in my pocket for the conversation. I didn’t get through it without crying. Andrews AFB has not really been home to me since we moved here, but Seton has been a home. My close friends are my co-workers. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my girls. I so wanted to see my juniors and sophomores graduate. I wanted to get a Pacemaker for the newspaper class. I wanted my retreat programs that I have worked so hard at to have continuity. Professionally, I feel like the Air Force has crushed some of my dreams. Yet, I know this is part of what I signed up for when I married Mark. I just thought I’d have more control over my life.
Sharon and Ginger were great. Ginger’s son has served in Iraq already, so she knows what it is like to have a family member there. I know they’ll make every accommodation they can. I just don’t to put people out…
The thought of everything that I have to try and do alone is beyond scary, but I know Mark and I will get through it. And I know there is good in me moving back to St. Louis. I just want to be home in St. Louis with Mark, and I feel like that so rarely happens.
Time now to concentrate on grading. I think trying to stay focused on the school front is going to be challenging, but I know it’s doable. Fingers crossed. God provides. There is a light at the end of this darkness.
