Stress doesn’t even begin to describe how feel right now. I am in week seven of my eight-week class, am completely unmotivated to do my work (seriously, who cares about a research presentation on open source software…not this girl…BUSYWORK!), and have a huge paper on Jesuit education and technology looming over my head. Add the little bit of work for my Ignatian Scholars class and teaching one class at William Woods (luckily I have only two students), and a MOVE…and you’ll feel my pain. All while pregnant and trying to keep my two-year-old entertained.
I vividly remember my freshman year of college; it was November, and my always-open door to my dorm room was closed. My floormates freaked out. I was physically ill from the mental stress and from being spread too thin. I had to quit a few extra-curricular activities and I decided to drop my theatre major and add English to complement my communication degree instead. I found balance, and I felt so much better.
Here I am eighteen years later, facing the same issue. (Seriously…how did I get that old? That means more years have passed than my age when I learned this initial lesson!)
I have always had a hard time saying no. I’ve gotten better at saying no to others, but I have a hard time saying no to things that I commit to myself. (Case in point…I told William Woods yesterday that I can’t teach this spring/summer. I said NO!)
I don’t know what I can cut to relieve stress, and so I’m waiting it out. I’m trying my best at this point in time, knowing it’s not my actual “best”…knowing that if I could just have time to focus on one thing at a time, then I’d be good. Then I’d feel better.
The scary thing for me about the stress I am experiencing now is that I am fully aware that it doesn’t affect just me this round. It affects that 22-week-old baby growing in my belly. That means I have to work on living in the moment. I have to just do what I can. I need to nap. I need to walk everyday. I need to do everything in my power to destress.
So what needs to happen? I need to set realistic daily goals for myself. I need the Air Force to give us the assignment notification. I need things to fall into place. I need motivation. I need to start sleeping better. I need prayers. I know that there’s a lot going on in my life; I just need to feel like I have some control and am doing well/making progress at some of it.
