I still can’t get a job. I think it stinks that military spouses can’t file for unemployment. I’m unemployed because I had to move…it’s too bad that there is no compensation for those of military spouses who give up good paying jobs to move when our military spouse is transferred. I’m really starting to think that no one wants to hire me in Texas. I have applied for so many education jobs at high schools, colleges, even textbook publishing firms. And nothing. I don’t even get rejection letters from some of them or an acknowledgment that they receive my letter of interest and resume.
Don’t get me wrong…I love my current full-time job. I just want to work so we can afford to give Emma more. I want her to go to a Montessori pre-school. I want her to take music lessons. I want to her to be active and play sports. I want her to go to Catholic school for k-12. Unfortunately, that means I can’t be a stay-at-home mom.
I don’t think I am going to apply for anymore jobs in Texas. I’ve decided that Texas doesn’t want Teresa in the workforce. I just continually feel like an idiot after each rejection (or ingored application). I feel like my two master’s degrees aren’t worth anything, even though I’m still paying them off. I feel like my many adjunct positions, my five years at Borgia, my four-ish years at Seton, my year with GEAR-UP, and my year between St. Mary’s and SLU isn’t good enough. I am starting to wonder what these administrators or human resources staffs are looking for. I’m not qualified to teaching high school English, college level writing classes, or be a campus minister with Texas’ standards. It’s humbling, I guess. I’ve never had a hard time getting a job…I feel so bad for all of the people who absolutely need a job to live. I think I have been given a whole new appreciation for how hard and frustrated those who are unemployed are with their situations. I can only imagine the stress, frustration, and low self-esteem the unemployed must feel. Maybe I’ll get pregnant with number two, and I won’t have to worry about a job until next school year.
I keep telling myself that everything has always worked out for me and Mark in the end…so I should just accept this as part of God’s plan. While I can keep telling myself this, I am having a hard time believing it. I know I should take this break in full-time employment to work on my writing. I just need to get in a routine and get motivated so I can really sit down and write all of the books that are bouncing around in my head. I need to, as Mark would say, just vomit something on the page and clean it up later.
It’s funny, but I’m getting antsy to move again. Texas has been nice, but I’m ready for a new adventure where I may fit in better. Technically, Mark has another year and half here, but I am hoping that we get out of here sooner. I’d really like to end up in a city with a Jesuit parish that we can get involved in. I’d like to be somewhere where it’s not so hot. I’d like to be closer to family. I’d like to be somewhere where I can easily teach at a Catholic high school…but I’m not sure that place exists. Maybe we’ll end up back in DC and this time we can live in the Del-Ray neighborhood instead of being isolated at Andrews AFB.
I am starting to like the opportunity to start over. I love getting to see new places in the country. Each time, though, it affirms what I have always known; I don’t think I’ll be completely happy until we are back in St. Louis for good. I have yet to find a place where I connect with people and feel in my element the way I have in St. Louis. I miss the city, its opportunities, the community, and my friends and family. Just nine more years…
