The inside of College Church at SLU–one of my favorite places in the entire city of St. Louis
So today was a busy and emotionally draining day. I had to go to St. Mary’s to get my picture taken for the yearbook today. (It was actually really funny, too…the photographer had to fix my hair, my sweater…I had to have my hand on my knee just so and tilt my head. Totally crazy. Then, I was telling one of my co-workers how I was applying for a doctoral program and I got the “When you come back, you’ll only want to work at SLUH” comment. Entertaining morning.)
After that, I came home for a bit, and then I headed to College Church for the memorial Mass of the youngest brother of some college friends, the Wessels. As I was sitting in the Church, I had a couple of revelations.
First, I couldn’t believe how intermingled my world was with the Wessels. (There are eight of them.) Katie lived in my floor across the hall. She was a big sister to me and joked I was her protegè, which in all honesty wouldn’t be a terrible thing. Katie has a beautiful and unique sense of style that I have always admired. She has a great laugh, and her love for her family is so deep. Plus, she is smart and was an English major. I worked with Chris in campus ministry in my days as social justice intern, and I often treated Chris to lunch on my Billiken bucks. Mike, the third youngest, worked in campus ministry with my sister, Colleen, but he and I were on Encounter team together and I introduced him to De La Salle, where he taught for a number of years.
I looked around the Church, and I saw many people I looked up to so much when I was in undergrad: obviously, Katie, but also people like Rich Stoltz, Chris Grabau, all of my campus ministers. At the luncheon after the wake, I even reconnected with someone who was my “future freshman” and stayed with me during her senior year at SLU. (And even more random, I spent thirty minutes talking with the Wessel’s dad who went to St. Mary’s about the Marianist tradition.)
Instead of feeling like 32, I was back to being 17 or 18…it was so weird. But I didn’t stay there for long…because in front of me and next to me were the following generation of campus ministry work/study students, one of whom I worked with when she was in high school at Borgia and one of whom I did TEC retreats with. Additionally, in front of them were numerous people from De La Salle.
It was like all of my worlds collided. I mean gosh…I even went to Fr. Stark for communion. (He looks like hell, by the way. Oh, did I hate him in undergrad!) Throughout the whole Mass, I couldn’t stop being thankful of how SLU shaped and how so many people in that church from the Wessels themselves to professors and campus ministers to former students (and even Fr. Stark) taught me important lessons in the last fourteen years. And isn’t that scary? I started my SLU journey FOURTEEN years ago? How is that possible?
And to bring it back to my family, my sister Mary’s sister-in-law was there. Her daughter is friends with Katie’s daughter. And the oldest Wessel lives next door to the house that Mark’s grandparents owned for forever on Algonquin. After a lunch with Dr. Meyer, I got to go to my first and probably last tent party on Algonquin. It’s probably as close as I will be to ever experiencing a party in Park’s and Alice’s backyard.
On top of this emotional whisk into my past and watching everyone grieve and celebrate the life of an amazing 25-year-old, I realized how stressed I’m getting about this fertility stuff. Now that I’m getting back to almost starting IUIs again, I’m terrified it won’t work. Again, I feel like everyone is still pregnant or recently had a kid. I miss Mark, who helps me relieve stress. I know that I get to see him in 42 days and 15 hours, but it still seems like a long way off. I’m tired of not having him around. I’m tired of not knowing where we’re going. I’m tired of feeling like my life is on hold.
Despite all of this stress, I’m still able to say this was a good day. So here’s what I am thankful for:
- I’m thankful that through the death of Patrick Wessel I was able to reconnect with some very dear friends.
- I’m thankful for Katie Wessel Ryan. She definitely impacted my life more than any other young female in college. She had a very lasting effect on me and was really like a big sister.
- I’m thankful that I have been able to talk to Mark everyday he has been in Iraq…all 194 of them.
- I’m thankful for my dogs. I had a fun morning playing with them and they take good care of me, like they’re daddy told them to.
- I’m thankful I can go to the Y for free…that I’m in such good shape I got super preferred status for my life insurance and that working out helps me relieve stress.
