I can’t believe how quickly the last two weeks flew by. Having Mark home was incredible. We had our best new year’s yet. In the last two weeks, I fell crazily in love with him all over again. I often think I can’t love him anymore than I do, and then wham…the last two weeks comes and shows me how wrong I am. So now the house seems way too quiet and the dogs keep looking for him. It’s hard. Before he came, I had our stuff in my house. The two weeks with him here made it our home. I now have memories with him here, and that makes being home a bit harder. I get to clean up the dishes we left in the sink, clean out his coffee pot, and put away his coat and jacket. I sit on the couch by myself instead of having him next to me. I feel incredibly empty.
The bad thing about a yearlong deployment (beside the obvious) is that instead of having to go through the pain-staking goodbye where I walk away from my husband in the airport just once, I get to do that twice. And for whatever reason, I think it was harder this time. I can honestly say that doing that twice in a lifetime is enough for me. I don’t know that I can do this again.
I know we’re on the homestretch. And I know I have to keep myself busy and work out so that the endorphins can do their thing to make me feel better. But right now, I feel like my stomach is in knots and I’ve wanted to throw up all day. (And no, I’m not pregnant.) I miss my best friend terribly and can’t wait until the day we can put this journey behind us. 113 days to go….
