So today was an interesting Veteran’s Day. My perspective on everything about the day has changed completely because of Mark’s deployment. When I woke up, I had this message from Mark on my Facebook wall: “While I certainly appreciate the thanks today, I do get paid for my job, and it is occasionally a very good time. thank a family member of a veteran…for some, it’s not a life they wanted when they were growing up…instead they followed their hearts, always support the troops without the support structure, they DON’T get paid, and sometimes they pay a higher price than we do. Thank you Teresa Clancy Jackson.”
I think that what I realized this year from Mark’s words and his deployment is that the choices that the military make in helping fight freedom isn’t only their sacrifice. Mark said it perfectly. In fact, when Mark first approached me about dating him I said no because I didn’t want to deal with the military life. I didn’t think I could handle going through what I am going through today. I didn’t think I could handle moving. I didn’t think I’d fit in. But I fell in love with Mark. That trumped everything. My heart won. I’m sure that there are other spouses out there like me; some are going through it now, and some went through it decades ago.
I spent an hour or so of my evening visiting with Mark’s grandparents. Mark had asked me to go over and tell them happy Veteran’s Day for him. It was a visit I’ll always cherish. I learned a lot of important things from my visit with Park and Alice, but I’ll just share a few.
First, Mark’s grandma is experiencing dementia, but even with that obstacle, she was able to relive how awful it felt being alone when her husband was serving in World War II and spent 11 years in the Reserves. She had never lived on her own. Park’s mom hid his orders until after he and Alice were married, not wanting to show them to him. After they came home from their honeymoon, Park found out that he had to go to Kansas for training, and the newly married Alice was left alone in an apartment in St. Louis Hills. As confused as she is, I could really see that she knew how hard the last 200+ days have been for me, and she knew that from experience.
Second, I was reminded that war changes a person. Park told me that this day always makes him melancholy because he thinks about the friends he lost and that didn’t come home. From the moment that I walked in the door, he was teary-eyed, and the more he talked about having to leave his family to go help with training or being in a foxhole in the middle of the war, the more emotional he got. Park and my dad went to high school together, and I learned that there was a club at school and that was where the men started their relationship with one of the branches of the military. In high school, Park had actually wanted to be part of the Army Air Corps but didn’t get picked up. I saw in Park’s face that living through combat is something that service men and women never forget, and even though they may not have had a name for it, many of our Vets continue to suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
My third revelation of the night is how great the love is that Park and Alice have for their grandchildren. Over and over, Park (and Alice) talked about how many times a day they think about and pray for Mark and his safety. There’s also a great pride that they both have in what he is doing. While I was there, they talked about numerous other grandchildren, as well. I left hoping that one day I will have that same pride and love for my grandchildren.
My final revelation from being with Park and Alice is that this experience that Mark and I are going through is going to shape us as individuals and impact our marriage for the rest of our lives. I haven’t figured out if that’s for good or bad, though.
So here’s my good things list for the day:
- I’m thankful for the many people who wrote on my Facebook wall and realized that Mark isn’t the only one making a sacrifice for our country.
- I’m thankful for the *AMAZING* hot stone massage I had this morning. I’m learning that it’s very important to take care of myself while Mark is gone.
- I’m thankful for my great and yummy lunch with Ryan today.
- I’m thankful for my supportive husband and that I got to spend time with him today.
- I’m thankful for the overwhelming response of people who want to help me bring holiday cheer to the troops. (E-mail me if you want details on this and want to help!)
- I’m thankful that I got to spend time with a WWII Vet and his wife. Spending time with Park is always hard for me because he’s such a close link to my dad. (Weird, I know, but they were a grade apart and went to the same high school.) I really enjoyed getting to spend time with them and hearing his stories. If they made it through it without the technology we have today, I know Mark and I can, too.
